i am nothing

this weekend i was reminded by God that i am nothing.

we were all together at the lake--three other couples who had never been. i had promised a great weekend with beautiful weather, boat rides, jet ski, kayaks, a canoe, a hot tub, and lots of games.

we get there late friday night, walk down to the dock, and georgia decides to jump in and drown herself. luckily grant and chris snatched her out of her impending death--which began the weekend with a bang.

the next day we go to the marina to inqure about the boat, only for it to not start--later identifying a problem in the engine somewhere... ok. so then we go back to the house to discover that no one ate the breakfast casserole that i made--they were waiting on us to get back, so we all ate it cold (quite a disappointment). grant and i went down to the dock to see about the jet ski--it wouldn't start. we called the marina about de-winterizing the other boat only to discover that, once hooked up and dropped into the water, the battery was dead. [are you getting a sense of the frustration/ failure i was feeling at this point?] we decide to forget all the fancy gadgets, and to just jump in the water, but want to check on the hot tub first, so that as we're shivering our way back to the house, we'd have steaming hot jets waiting on us... you guessed it: hot tub wasn't working.

i was very mad and frustrated that nothing was going right, or at least the way i'd planned, but i thought, at least the sun is out; i'll put on my bathing suit and go down to the dock to relax and read. the sun was out (about 72 degrees of warm goodness) but the winds were almost tornadic and laying out and/or reading was completely impossible.

this is when the breakdown/ break through happened: God was telling me that i am nothing. that i can do nothing apart from Him and furthermore, just because i had certain plans and expectations for the weekend did not mean that without them we would not have fun--God would show up on his own, and that was enough. He was forcing. me. to. let. go. and. i. hated. it.

learning/ relearning lessons like this sucks. seriously. even when you realize what you're supposed to realize--the boat, the jet ski, the hot tub, the battery--they still don't work. it's not like you have an epiphany and then boom, everything's perfect. everything's still hard, you just know that the God of the universe is speaking directly to you in the midst of it.

i'm not gonna lie: it took a few hours to get over my disappointment in things and renew my excitement for the rest of the weekend, but i did. and guess what: the weekend was perfect. it was awesome and amazing and we all got so much closer. we learned hilarious fun facts about each other, grew in our friendships, learned more about each others friends, families, hopes, dreams, fears, struggles, and played so many games that it all makes me laugh, even now, just thinking about it.

God was in our time together. He had the whole weekend in His hands all along. even without the boat. even without the jet ski. even without the hot tub. even without my expectations. and i'm so so thankful that He did, because looking back, my plan would've been ok, but not great, not a growing experience, not allowing as many sit-down-and-get-below-the-surface conversations, not playing as many games, and probably not sharing as many stories or laughs.

it's much easier to say this now, than at about 3:30pm on Saturday, but: thank you, LORD, for being in control, for being bigger than me, and for reminding me that, without leaving room for you to intercede, to be involved, to change my plans, i am nothing ;)