28 August 2008

words of wisdom

ask and it shall be given unto you. welp. ok.

my first of two little nuggets from God hit me today, while driving back from tuscaloosa listening to Rob Bell (oh, how i do love that man). he was talking about honoring people, what that really means, and what that actually looks like. and then rob said two really profound things: 1) you can't honor them if you are bitter toward them and 2) you'll only internalize that bitterness, let it fester into hate, then be disgusted and surprised when it takes hold of your life and you suddenly become the very thing(s) that you were rebelling against.

and here's the nugget: the hate, the bitterness, the frustration with the other person that i can't forgive, it's rarely about them. it's about me. at the heart of the thing i hate most in others is the recognition and rejection of that same disgusting thing in me. ouch. that one hit me like a ton of bricks.

i evaluated the people i had beef with and asked myself why, and it was revolutionary what happened in my soul. it was like i finally confronted what i didn't know i hated within me, then, having separated the person from the [my] issue i was able to let them off the hook and let go of the bitterness and anger. i realized that all this hating and seeping and raging inside me [that satan cleverly let me overlook and downplay] was really huge and really ugly. and keeping it up was exhausting. the moment i could finally quit blaming them for the hurt in me or the anger in me or the frustration i felt, i was relieved. like i could breathe again. like i didn't have to keep a running tally of their screw-ups or hang-ups or things that drive me crazy. and i could just be. and deal with the ugliness in me that i didn't even know was there. and, wow, was there some ugliness. i think satan uses our minds, our intelligence, against us sometimes; plays us against ourselves b/c he knows we'll lose and fall deeper into his trap all the while, without realizing it at all, though thinking it to death. how can i be so self-aware and full of constant self-evaluation, and yet unable to recognize the ugliness in my heart? AND unable to make the connection between that other person's faults and MY OWN? speck and plank, for goodness sakes!

but God doesn't give out freebees without expecting us to take the knowledge and apply it to our lives [shoot.]. so, i've decided to tell them i've been harboring stuff against them, that's its my fault and my judgment and my own stuff from the beginning, not them, and ask them for forgiveness because i have truly wronged them in my heart.

nugget number two: i cannot gain wisdom without forgiveness of others/ self; if i can't realize my own stuff and call it what it is and deal with it healthily, it's like i can skim the top of the water, but never dive into wisdom.

so, i mentioned i was cleaning house. i truly am. i'm throwing out bitterness, hatred, anger, and blame. i'm cleaning out the ugliness in me, [only] with God's grace. and i'm replacing that crap with forgiveness, ready for God to dwell richly in my newer, cleaner space and teach me a few more nuggets about wisdom.

ps: rob quoted colossians 3:13, 16: "13 Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. 16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts." amen, sister friend!

what do y'all think? xoxo

26 August 2008

my jumbled thoughts

if all my blog posts were put together in a word picture, this is what it would look like.

create your own fun at wordle

24 August 2008


as my good friend annie has noted, "God and I--we work in themes" and our current theme seems to be wisdom. in the past few weeks, i have heard two different people preach on gaining wisdom--who did in the bible, who listened to the people with wisdom, and how the whole thing turned out for God's glory, even when it looked rather desperate for the person/ nation at the time--and have come across three bible verses about wisdom. interesting...

andy stanley preached on wisdom being one of the main messages he would give in his series, letters to the next president--an extra-earth-shatteringly-awesome sermon series... love it.

and these are the verses i've come across in my quiet times lately:

solomon's wisdom:
"God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore. Solomon's wisdom was greater than the wisdom of all the men of the East, and greater than all the wisdom of Egypt. He was wiser than any other man... and his fame spread to all the surrounding nations. He spoke three thousand proverbs and his songs numbered a thousand and five. He described plant life... He also taught about animals and birds, reptiles and fist. Men of all nations came to listen to Solomon's wisdom, sent by all the kings of the world, who had heard of his wisdom."
1 kings 4: 29-34.

Wisdom with a capital "W":
"Listen as Wisdom calls out! Hear as Understanding raises her voice!... Choose my instruction rather than silver, and knowledge rather than pure gold. For Wisdom is far more valuable than rubies. Nothing you desire can compare with it."
proverbs 8:1, 10-11.

prophecy of jesus:
"And the Spirit of the Lord with rest on him--the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. He will delight in obeying the Lord. He will not judge by appearance nor make a decision based on hearsay. He will give justice to the poor and make fair decisions for the exploited... He will wear righteousness like a belt and truth like an undergarment."
isaiah 11:2-5.

and my personal favorite:
"The Lord our God hasn't explained the present or the future, but He has commanded us to obey the laws He gave us and trust in Him." Deuteronomy 29:29.

i feel like in this world and in school and in the socio-political circles we exist in, it's often viewed as stupid or ignorant to just admit "i don't know" so we people create and invent things--statistics, plans for the future, relationships, conflict, even fake-resolution--to convince ourselves and others that we have it together, that we are intelligent and well-educated, and that we are in control. but we're not. we never were. what i'm realizing more and more is that God doesn't think we're stupid for saying "i just don't know," "i don't have all the answers," "i'm not in control of that [insert here]"--He chooses to see us as obedient, waiting for His will in our lives. we still, of course, must be proactive in discovering his will (not potato-couch-slug-christians), but simply accepting that we don't know and submitting to God brings him glory. and when we do it, other people notice. waiting on the Lord, fearing and trusting the Lord, being submissive and obedient to a God i haven't met in a world that is not The Kingdom--these are my toughest spiritual battles. and they involve a lot of mental debates that i usually lose with myself, as well. i'm sick of trying to reason it out or out-think God. and this--admitting that "i don't know"--i think is the beginning of Wisdom. so i'm currently cleaning house, throwing out all the things i thought i knew, and relearning the spiritual lessons and disciplines again with a focus on gaining wisdom. we'll see what happens. i'm kinda excited, but what do i know ;)

i still don't know where God's taking my with this one, but i'm open to instruction and ready to learn of this obedience, knowledge, truth, and, of course, wisdom.

21 August 2008

classes and such

so my classes don't totally suck. in fact, i found out by talking to many of my friends in the program who chose their classes based on content and professor (not by time slot) that the classes i picked haphazzardly are actually AMAZING. they're with three professors that "everyone says" you're supposed to take your last semester and "you'll totally love". yay. so God's picture really is bigger than my time-slot-class-schedule. good to know.

i'm really excited about every single class. in one, students from last semester are on their way to being published (my next goal) and in another past students are presenting a presentation at national conferences (HUGE! and a good way to network and find funding for fun projects, etc). so i'm pumped. i'm gonna be the student they talk about next semester who...(fill in the blank)... [maybe if i'm lucky].

i'm exhausted, but the drive is not all that bad and gas is so cheap in tuscaloosa, grant and i are hoping the commute won't put the incredible divot in our budget that we initially dreaded (again, God is good and so much bigger than our little stresses).

quick happy updates:
got to SEE NIDA WEDNESDAY. like face to face. in person. got to hug her neck and hangout on my bed chatting for hours like we did in college. loved it! my little nids! what a treat!

got to talk to ashers in the midst of her present chaos: mason leaving/ Fay distroying everything/ beginning grad school/ classes cancelled. she's a blessing as always.

hopefully going to lunch with jen garrett friday (LOVE that possibility)

and having the altmixes over on monday!

broke bread with allison and drew last week and am hoping to catch up with many more friends very soon.

friends from germany are in town and grant and i are hanging with them at the LAKE this weekend! yay!

long time family friend mary catherine caldwell and her fiance syman stevens are having an ENGAGEMENT PARTY in huntsville this weekend, and we'll be heading up from the lake to enjoy their company for the night, too. CONGRATS MIMI AND SYMAN! love yall!

grant's cousin (and my own good-good-friend-turned-family) evan duggar, a freshman at clemson, is coming in town next weekend for the alabama-clemson game! i think it's being played in the georgia dome! she's bringing friends and we're so excited! it's like college all over again mixed with family! yay!

that reminds me, you should all come visit and play asap as well. and on that note, i'm out. between readings and driving 4.5 hours today, i'm exhausted [but excited]. peace.

19 August 2008

good news

two quick things, both GOOD:

1. i got into my other class that i needed, you know, the required one. yeah.

2. the prof's forcing me to leave my husband TMRW.... "it is in your best interest to be here...Lucy, I really encourage you to locate reasonably-priced accomodation for tomorrow night. You will miss a lot of material if you are not in the first class." grrrreat.

yay, academia. woohoo

heheh jk. ps. who goes to class during drop/add...?!

18 August 2008

my ode to academia

the world of academia is a total crock. i'm a little perturbed at present because the university of alabama dropped my schedule, cancelled my classes for the fall, and nearly dropped me out of fall enrollment. after a whole day of freaking out and calling the school, the dean, the secretary, my mama, and grant, i got two of my three classes back, and am hopeful to get the third (and REQUIRED class) by tmrw. here's hoping.

O Academia
you are so full of it
you dropped all my classes
and left me with no exit.

O Academia
you really tick me off
and sometimes when i think of you
i laugh so hard i cough.

O Academia
I can't wait 'till we're through
but then again i might be back--
to law school! 'touchet!' to you.

that was so so bad, but it kinda perked up my stupid stressful day.

ps. anyone else hate school? anyone?

15 August 2008

a new addiction

ok. so i have a new addiction... twitter.com. please, if you love me, you'll join me in this.

it's just like sending a text to all your friends letting them know little snippets of your day between blog posts and emails, but it's online instead of cell phone.

find me and follow me. it's really fun, and really addicting [i believe this is the sort of justification high schoolers use; disregard this and do it anyway. if you love me you'll do it... wait, that's another one. shoot.]


oh, no. i'm hooked....


ok. so i'm babysitting ava, the cutest thing ever!!! and its great. our schedule is pretty awesome: watch 101 dalmatians, snack, play leapfrog's leapster, snack, color, lunch [grant comes home for lunch! yay!], play hide-and-seek, snack, go to the pool, snack (you get the picture). anyway, when grant comes home, we have a great time. ava has a pretty amazing crush on him and loves to make him chase her around and pick her up, etc.

so yesterday grant and i decide to sing a camp song to teach ava--full on hand motions and butt-shaking involved. pretty sweet. in the middle of the song, ava jumps up on the bed, starts shaking her butt in a three-point position singing BABY GOT BACK! O.M.G. grant and i lost it. we couldn't breathe when we finally peeled ourselves off the floor. and there's ava, on the bed just shakin' it, "i like big butts and i cannot lie, you other brothers cannot deny! mmm mmmm mmmmm mmm big thing in your face you get sprung!" it was amazing. her mom later told me that it's on the shrek soundtrack. hehehehehhehehe. wow.

anyway. ava's awesome.

oh, and since you asked, yes, we've now watched 101 dalmatians 5 times in 3 days. xoxox

11 August 2008

just for fun

ps. several small but GREAT things this week:
1. after working 2 jobs for 2 months, i have 3 DAYS TO DO NOTHING!
2. i'm making bank babysitting one of my favorite little girls a few days this week and next
3. ava (the little girl) and her parents came over last night to see our place
4. wes turner stayed with us last night! we had so much fun, cooking, telling funny stories, and repeating favorite pick-up lines... way too much fun. glad he and grant are such good buds.
5. i think i'm skipping the drop/add part of school, so i won't start driving till august 27th instead of the 20th.
6. katrin and michael (two AWESOME friends from germany) are coming to visit and grant and i get to play with them at the lake two weeks from now
7. kelly and john and the baby are doing GREAT! so excited for them and loving that all are in good giggling health.
8. the wedding, again, was so much fun. well done.


carrie and andrew boyd

this weekend was awesome. carrie and andrew tied the knot at lake martin in a precious chapel on the lake with a lighthouse to boot! the reception was at the Willow Point Country Club, which is also where we, the wedding party, stayed. it was so beautiful and, remarkably, not oppressively hot!

we rolled in friday, checked into our "villa" at the cc--awesome! went to the rehearsal din din--great food, great company. very sweet things were said of carrie and andrew and a good time was definitely had by all. some friends i was finally reunited with include laura self (my love), julie chamberlain (introduced to me 5 years ago as "j.nasty" by her roommate carrie), garrett hill (carrie's cousin and my former date to the deb ball 100 years ago) and many many more to play with (paige, amy, melanie, patrick, holmes, brooks, etc)! it was fantastic seeing everyone. grant and garrett finally got to hang out, which they both loved, since we shared our villa with the whole Hill clan--anna and skipper (garretts 'rents), holmes (younger bro at clemson), earl and nancy (the grandparents, aka earl was grant's favorite person at the wedding). it was phenom. the night ended as most successful nights do: at the pool with music and adult beveriges and lots and lots of laughter.

saturday morning came early, but grant and i (because of the time change) were definitely up an hour or more before the rest. we had a very nice breakfast at the cc, then went to carrie and andrew's brunch at a pretty incredible house on the lake (and by house i mean mansion and by pretty incredible i mean estate). we left that to hang out with everyone pool-side until the wedding festivities commenced. At 3.30 laura and i headed to the Children's Chapel on the Lake to watch carrie get ready and take pictures. at 4.00 i dutifully took up my job as greeter and guest book administer...? (whatever, i had to make people sign in). i helped everyone pin on their flowers (and saved mine b/c they were beautiful white roses) and get ready. carrie, of course, looked stunning in her debutante dress--an old Victorian tradition that once the young woman makes her "debut" into society, she is married in the same gown. awesome. the guys wore blue seer sucker suites (CUTE!) and the wedding was perfect.

onto the best part: the reception!! the band was awesome, the cake, delicious! and everyone danced all night long. grant and i danced all freakin night and were the last ones on the dance floor (shocker, i know). carrie and andrew left through glow sticks and bubbles to "oh, when the saints! come marching in!" (which always reminds me of kathleens alarm clock...) and are currently loving their honeymoon in colorado!! they'll be back before carrie starts back at alabama's grad school (with me, commuting... ughgh!) in a week or so. she has until may and i have (thank the Lord!) until december. God's been so faithful to our friendship that He would bring us through the same seasons of love and happiness (and school) at the same time.

We had the best time this weekend. going to/ being part of a wedding after you're married is a totally different experience. it's a renewal of vows, a new appreciation of friendship, and an indulgence in the sweetest things: cake, wine, dancing, enjoying each other, and spending quality time as if we're the only ones having a private conversation in the midst of a crowd. true beauty. God is so good that only He would create such a holy bond as marriage and allow such an honest and limitless love to exist between two people within that covenant. i know carrie and andrew feel the same way.

07 August 2008

be still, my beating heart

ok. so don miller is stealing my heart one page at a time. i've always loved blue like jazz (how many times have i read that one...) and i kinda know him through a friend of mine in oregon, though we've never met... [insert sigh here]. i'm currently reading (among a long list of others) through painted deserts. its freakin amazing!. if you know anything about me, my journey, or my soul, you'll understand why mr. miller is wooing me so [fear not, grant!].

"I want to change because it's God's way... I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently... And the closest thing I can liken life to is a book, they way it stretches out on paper, page after page, as if to trick the mind into thinking it isn't all happening at once."

"This is from where the story stems, the stuff of its construction lying at our feet like cut strips of philosophy. I sometimes look into the endless heavens, the cosmos of which we can't find the edge, and ask God what it means. Did You really do all of this to dazzle us? Do You really keep it shifting, rolling round the pinions to stave off boredom? God forbid Your glory would be our distraction. And God forbid we would ignore Your glory."

"I started wondering if life was something different than I thought it was, if there was some kind of raging beauty a person could find, that he could get caught up in the why of life. And I needed to believe beauty meant something, and I needed God to step off His self-help soap-box and be willing to say something eternally significant and intelligent and meaningful... I needed God to larger than our free-market economy, larger than our two-for-one coupons, larger than our religious ideas."

"I wonder, though, if the good feeling will last. I do this with good things; I think joy into its coffin; I analyze too much. I don't want to think about life anymore; I just want to live life."

"I guess what I mean is, he isn't one of the millions of us who are always looking for an escape, for distraction. He [paul, a character in the book] doesn't need to be talked to, but he isn't a recluse, and he doesn't need to hear music all the time, but he likes music...I guess you could say he is healthy or something."

"I guess I'm looking for what any guy is looking for. I want a companion, you know. Just someone to share life with. I want her to be my biggest fan and I want to be her biggest fan too. I want us to raise kids in a home where they know their parents are in love with each other and with them. I guess that's all I want."

"The way I figure, every girl is beautiful, you know. It's our arrogance that makes us think one is better than the other."

"Maybe when a person doesn't buy the lies anymore, when a human stops long enough to realize the stuff people say to get us to part with our money often isn't true, we can finally see the sunrise, smell the wetness in a Gulf-breeze, stand in awe at a downpour no less magnificent than a twenty-thousand-foot waterfall, ten square miles wide, wonder at the physics of a duck paddling itself across the surface of a pond, enjoy the reflection of the sun of the face of the moon, and know, THIS IS WHAT I WAS MADE TO DO. THIS IS WHO I WAS MADE TO BE, THAT LIFE IS BEING GIVEN TO ME AS A GIFT, THAT LIGHT IS A METAPHOR, AND GOD IS DOING THESE THINGS TO DAZZLE US."

"Matter and thought are a canvas on which God paints, a painting with tragedy and delivery, with sin and redemption. LIFE IS A DANCE TOWARD GOD, I begin to think. And the dance is not so graceful as we might want. We learn to dance with the One who made us. And it is a difficult dance to learn, because its steps are foreign... and I think to myself, I HAVE EVERYTHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE TO EXPERIENCE THE MAGNITUDE OF THIS STORY, TO DANCE WITH GOD."

need i say more... i mean, wow. i'm only about a day into it and will finish it tmrw, only to read it several more times over the next week. don makes me think, and most contemporary prose writers don't. anyway, just food for thought. i'm eating it up.


grant and i are looking for a bible study. if you know of anything helpful in the city, send it our way. we're a little overwhelmed by buckhead church's size and want to fellowship with people we'll really live life with (see multiple times a week). we want to have or create community here. if ya got any idears, lemme know! xoxo

04 August 2008

inspire me

i need to be inspired, so inspire me. it's not that i'm particularly under-whelmed or disappointed even, just un-inspired. i'm ready for fall. i've become disillusioned with summer. since working at this montessori school, i've decided a) i'm gonna have to be one heck of a better person (with more patience, kindness, etc) to have kids and b) summer's way too short. when did that happen? when we were kids, summer seemed to stretch on and on and on. now we just work through the heat without a vacation or anything. lame. and kids. the kids are absolutely the worst. they don't want to be there. we don't want to be there and we certainly don't want them there. we're fighting a losing battle just by showing up each day.

i love fall. when its not 104 degrees of sweltering heat at dinner time (like it was at 6pm yesterday). when the clothes are the cutest--scarves, sweaters, corduroy jeans, jackets, layers and layers of wonderful softness. i love it! and it's totally romantic. chill in the air makes you want to snuggle. football games (pray for night games) with your hunny bunny (or hubby!). camp fires and smores and hiking and playing at night. fire-flies and candles and cedar in the air. i freaking LOVE the fall. plus the leaves are changing and falling and the colors are amazingly beautiful. and my very favorite holiday of all time is in the fall: thanksgiving with all the love and family of christmas without the pressure or spending or finding "the right" present.

i think i just inspired myself: one last week of hell (aka montessori) and then starting my LAST semester of stupid grad school and THEN the very best of AUTUMN in all its glory and THANKSGIVING!!! yay! and then grant's bday (the big 2-5!!! what?!) the day after thanksgiving. oh. much better. now i'm quite inspired and can continue without loathing everything between now and then. great! ttyl.