A funny thing recently has happened: a revelation on Love that has changed my perspective on things.
There have been several relationships and friendships that have been really hurtful, thorns-in-my-side in response to which I have repeatedly asked God, "Why are you doing this? Why have you forced me into relationship with a person so callous? Why, for this season, have you put me with someone who can be so mean, so selfish? What's the point?" In fact, a few have even begged the question, "Why are they in my life only to hurt me? I'm angry that You would put them in such proximity to me and the ones I love... What the heck are you doing?"
Had God made a mistake? Did He not know the pain and problems these people were causing? Or worse--Did He simply not care?
No. Though it has been years in the asking, the answer I've found is: No.
For years--probably since I was a girl of 13 and the idea of marriage first punctured my world--I have been praying specifically to be a student of Love. I have wanted to learn about Love, experience Love, rely on Love, change the world through Love, spread Love, give Love, receive Love. I have wanted Love in all possible forms, that my understanding of Love would be a 10 dimensional one, not a limited 2-D surface or flat Love--I wanted my Love to be round, new, breathing, growing, real.
My recent epiphany is simply this: God revealed to me that these people and their ties to me in whatever form or fashion have not been a mistake or happenstance--causing pain and havoc in my life--but strategically placed to teach me about Love. He has given me the best examples of learning how to Love like He does. To feel hurt and love anyway. To feel rejected and love anyway. To know that their words cut and actions bite, but choose to love anyway, because my understanding of Love is bigger than their words and actions.
It has changed everything.
What I once viewed as forms of hatefulness in my life I now see as opportunities to learn about Love--the stuff of substance not fairytales. So the challenges they put before me, the ways they seek out to hurt me, the things they say aimed at the heart strike true and create in me a deeper appreciation for God and a fuller understanding of Love.
[I've only just realized this, so needless to say it's still a struggle between choosing to be wounded or choosing to turn with love, but I finally get it... That's something. And I'm trying... That's something, too.]
What are you learning about?